melt down!!

so i am having a bit of a melt down right now....

--i have 3 papers due before thanksgiving

--i have 3 tests before thanksgiving

--i have a HUUUUUUUUUGE presentation after thanksgiving break 

(and our group cant find times to meet together because one of them doesn't get off work until at least 11:30 or at the earliest 1030 and then someone else is going out of town and we can't find time to meet)

--i think my brain is full because i can't remember anything i study for senior comps and if i dont pass them i am SERIOUSLY thinking of dropping out of school

--i have a wedding to be in over Christmas Break and i am already getting nervous for it. 

(i know i know, they are all looking at the Bride, but none of you know how hard it is just to stand there in front of everyone and not even do anything..in one wedding i was in i almost passed out and had to walk off the stage in the middle of the wedding! i am not a fan.) 

--im worried about strategic management because i have heard it is a hard class and not many people like it and i am now taking it next semester. 

--i need to work more and i can't because i have to work on the presentation and my papers and my tests and i dont have time to work, because i need sleep....

--maybe i will just give up sleep so i can do everything else...

hope you all have a great day! 

back to melting down...maybe if i turn in to a puddle i wont have to do all this..

things i LOVE and HATE

i absolutely LOVE my church! i feel more at home here than i have anywhere else. i went to some other good churches but this one makes you feel more at home even on your first sunday here. 

i LOVE being involved!! i have missed that! i LOVE walking in the door and having a little boy or girl run up to you and give you a hug because you're their teacher. the other day i had a little girl come up to me after children's choir was over and just stand next to me and hold my hand. it was SO cute! i LOVE seeing their faces every sunday and wednesday. even when you are having a bad day, you can see one of the little kids and your day will just get THAT much better. 

i LOVE my Bible Study i am in on thursday mornings. i like getting to know women in the church, because i always just know their kids. 

i am HATING school right now..i HATE all my classes..

i seem to always be tired lately..i think it is from the fibromyalgia, which is something else i HATE having. like last night i got home and took a nap from 6:30-8:15ish and then woke up and watched Grey's Anatomy and then took a shower and went back to bed at like 9:50 until 7:30 this morning. THEN today i took a nap for about 1 1/2 hours. i HATE that i sleep that much, but i have a feeling that starting to take my medicine again will help :) so that is GREAT!!  

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT i can't WAIT until my sister, brother and my little SQUIRT Annaka come in town!!! i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO exCITED!!! im sure that mindy and dena and anyone else i show pictures to will e glad when they get here just so i stop counting down :) oh my WORD!!! i am SO excited!! THAT is what gets me through school and making me go to class. 

that is all for now..i am going to help with Trunk-or-Treat at my church tonight :) so i need to help set-up :) 

my grandma..

so today i went to church and after crying through some of the songs, i went shopping.. it always helps when i shop, not necessarily for me, just shopping in general.. :) but i bought some REALLY cute things for my little niece. :) which they all come in about 51 days!!! :) :) :) 

the littlest things will make me cry and sometimes its not what i would think would make me.. like today a couple things set me off..which it looks REAL funny when youre walking through a store and you see something that reminds you of something grandma "D" would say or sing or talked about and you start to cry....

the other day i was throwing away a magazine and thought to myself grandma would NEVER throw this away because she would go through it and find things to tear out so we, the grandkids, could paste :) it wasnt even a magazine that she would get (Shape) but still she would find SOMETHING to tear out for us.

i was also thinking about when i would go over to her house over the summer when my mom would go to work, i'd run back to the back room where she was always still laying at 8:30 and would lay next to her in bed. she would always tell me "lets play a game, whoever can stay still and be quiet the longest will get a prize" i think she knew how competitive i was because i always tried to beat her..but the REAL reason for her saying this is because she knew i would fall asleep until at least 10:30 or 11 and that would give her time by herself :) 

another thing we would do is she would put all her spare change in a medicine bottle and when i would go over to her house i would walk down a couple blocks to taco bell and get us lunch. she would sit at the door in her wheel chair so she couldnt do anything if something did happen to me but she sat there and waited for me to come back. she would have the phone in her lap just in case as well and its not like i had a cell phone she could call..

my grandma LOVED the song "His Eye is on the Sparrow" and i found it on ebay, but it is on a record and i dont know of a place to take it to convert it to cd..if anyone knows of a place, let me know because i'd like to get a cd of that song. 

i miss her SO much, sometimes i dont want to get out of bed because i miss her so much and i want to see her. i sometimes will think of something to tell her and i can't because i cant call her. 

i have to go for now..but i just wanted to say thank you to everyone that prayed for me this week..it was appreciated..

i am thankful for being sick...??

so i have been sick for the past week and a half and i think being sick has been a REAL blessing because usually i can't sleep this time of year and since i have had bronchitis anything i do wears me out. lately i have been going to bed as soon as i get home from anything, church or work, and sleeping til the next day and i still feel tired the next day..kind of like this weekend, i came home from work sick on friday and went to bed at 5:45 and woke up at 10:15 and went back to bed at about 10:30 and woke up saturday morning at 8 and was still tired.. 

i had an alright weekend though..i taught Sunday School for 3-5 year olds Sunday and we had SO much fun! we made little Noah's Ark and animals to go inside and at story time they all took the animals out and put them next to them so they could hear the story too. it was SO cute! 

i am asking, whoever reads this, will pray for me on wednesday because i have a feeling classes are going to be rough..it would be my grandmas birthday and then sunday also because it is my grandmas anniversary of her death. i just was talking about it with the business division secretary and i started crying..thank goodness that no one was in the office but her and i. 

have a wonderful week!

Grandma..

i HATE this time of year..from now until january...then it starts getting bearable until my birthday when i wish she was still here to go over to her house and have cookie cake and now it hurts to bad to do that with grandpa....

the next week is going to be insanely hard...and to think that it has already been 2 years since it happened....

i hate the fact that i can't sleep because i think about her or i dream about her...sometimes i love dreaming about her because  then i can see her face again. i am afraid that i will forget what she  sounded like or how she would ALWAYS tease janie and disagree with her, just because (although i have taken it up in following Grandmas footsteps) :) 

i miss her SO much and working at a retirement home isn't that bad because i have grandma and grandpas all around me EXCEPT for this next week, i have a feeling i wont be very happy to be there..

when ever i think of that night i think what if it didn't happen...i think that is the worst feeling i have ever had..holding her hand as she breathed her last breath..her hands were always cold, but this was different. this was a different kind of cold..indescribable...

i know that she is in Heaven and without pain and that is 

what gets me through this, but still i never thought this would 

happen to me..i always hoped that i would never have to go 

through this..i always hoped that the rapture would come 

before anyone close to me died...

RIP Grandma "D" 10/8/1931-10/12/2006 You will never be forgotten. i love you the most :) 

very much in LOVE

At their 25th anniversary

At their 50th wedding anniversary party

12/17/2000